Your Guide To A Guilt Free Esports World Cup

The Esports World Cup is underway and maybe some of you feel you can't justify your watching to your sanctimonious friends. Well, here's the only justifications you'll ever need to shut them up.

So you’ve decided to watch the great esportswashing exercise that is the Saudi Arabian state funded Esports World Cup and you’re wondering how to defend that choice. You may have smug friends in your circle that are announcing their intention to boycott on the basis of the country’s human rights record but you don’t care about that… You just want to watch the games. After all, who brought politics to the table anyway? It wasn’t you so why should you be forced into political choices now?

We here know how tiresome those friends can be and not everyone has the intellectual wherewithal to serve up the answers that will shut them up. Well, we’ve got you covered. What follows are the only responses you will ever need to justify your participation.

They Drive Now

They – as in women – drive – as in cars – now – as in for years women were denied this basic right in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. But they drive now. If you’re still unsure about how to use this correctly it goes something like this. Your friend, no doubt of a liberal persuasion, will say something along the lines of “Oh, you’re watching that Saudi Arabian thing… Aren’t you bothered about their treatment of women and…” You then cut them off by saying “they drive now.” It really is that simple and your friend will be left without a comeback leaving you to watch the games in peace and quiet.

You see women being able to drive in a country where it was once legally prohibited is the ultimate proof that Saudi Arabia is actually a progressive country and therefore it is OK to contribute to their state’s machinations. It strengthens your argument if you ignore the fact that they recently imprisoned a women’s rights activist called Manahel al-Otaibi for not wearing an abaya when shopping and calling for an end to the male guardianship system. You see, she too had made the mistake of not recognising that “they drive now” which I am sure was a big part of the prosecutions charges against her claims of women being treated like second class citizens in their own country.

If you need extra talking points about how good it is that they drive now you can cite the fact that car manufacturers in Saudi Arabia used the change as a marketing exercise giving away free cars to the first women who got their driving license. I don’t think a wealthy corporation would cynically obfuscate the question “why couldn’t they always drive” with a ploy to sell more cars now that they can in fact actually drive now. It’s obviously just a celebration of genuine progress and an earnest gesture to support the women they have always supported.

There are those who would point out that women need the permission of the interior ministry to marry a foreigner. Or that women cannot pass their nationality down to their own children and until naturalised by a male they would need a visa to enter their own country of birth should they leave. Or that the law enforcement will not intervene in matters of domestic abuse as the state considers these “family matters” to be dealt with in private. Or that Saudi embassies in foreign countries have worked with their governments to track down and capture women who have fled the country under the guise that they are “runaways” who cannot be allowed to Saudi Arabia without the permission of their male guardian. As such many have concluded that letting women drive was a move designed to show the West that Saudi Arabia is being reformed while actually giving up very little in the way of change. All of that is just rhetoric designed to distract you from the very real victory for women that is them being able to drive now.

So, say it loud and say it proud. They drive now. Saudi Arabia is becoming a utopia for women and anyone who suggests otherwise is divorced from reality. Bonus points if you’re an American who has said that Republicans want to turn your country into The Handmaid’s Tale.

If They Don’t Accept Someone Else Will

Maybe your friends can’t be persuaded with an argument about the advancement of women’s rights so you’ll need to employ facts and logic to show them why their protests are misguided. Instead you can hit them with this simple thought exercise. Ask them “what would have happened if all those profitable and successful organisations had said they wouldn’t attend?” They will stare at you dumfounded for a moment as the cogs whir in their atavistic brain and then they’ll say something like “well fewer people would watch because…” Quick as a flash you jump in and say “if they don’t attend then someone else will.”

You see, there really is no stopping any of this because it’s exactly the same if thirty of the world’s top organisations attend and thirty organisations no-one has heard of still attend. The event will still have the same legitimacy, there’ll still be games and even if YOU wouldn’t watch them (like honestly who enjoys watching shit teams play, right?) you can be sure OTHER people would. Besides we’ve already been told by Team Liquid that boycotts don’t work and if they, with their vested financial interest in attending, say that not attending wouldn’t change anything then obviously we can take them at their word. After all they would know. I bet your friend has never even run an esports organisation.

Obviously if the world’s top thirty organisations all agree in unison that their non attendance would have changed absolutely nothing and that other organisations would simply fill their gap then you are obviously given implicit permission to watch. I mean what kind of fan wouldn’t follow their team of choice through thick and thin? It’s quite clear that you can extend the logic to if them not attending won’t achieve anything then you not watching would achieve even less. At this point just tell your friend that if they don’t want to watch they don’t have to and kiss the logo on your 2019 jersey in front of them. Owned.

What Do You Want Them To Do? Stop Existing?

If your friend still won’t take the hint that they have lost the argument then this is the trump card that will shut them up for good. Ask them, as an esports fan, if they would prefer the alternative of all the attending organisations not existing because that is what they are advocating for. The facts are right now that there is NO money in esports at all. Haven’t you heard of esports winter? Even if you believe that the owners of these organisations may have played some small part in all of that it’s those people that have also skilfully manoeuvred the business to being in a position where the Saudi Arabian state wants to invest. Also, think about how cool and benevolent you have to be to put so much money into a struggling industry and lift it up. I mean that’s the part no-one is talking about, that the Saudi Arabian state, even if they do have some faults, are obviously good guys who love esports as much as you do. Ask your friend why can’t they ignore the differences and instead focus on the similarities… “So, you differ on human rights issues but clearly you both love fnatic.”

We’ve heard it directly from the organisation owners that if they didn’t take these generous gifts from the Saudi Arabian government then there’s a high likelihood that they would have to downsize or even shutter operations. That’s like dozens of, or in some cases maybe a hundred people losing their jobs, many of them deeply principled and highly skilled. I bet your friend had plenty to say about the last time they were laid off so why are they wishing that outcome on other people? It’s hypocrisy pure and simple.

Let them know that you for one don’t want esports to be a space where there are consequences for repeated failures. When we lose a game of solo queue or fail to clutch a must win round we simply get to try again and it is that spirit that his Royal Highness Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman, blessed be his name, understands. He’s a gamer like all of us and he has looked at the organisations who, after taking money from unregulated skins casinos, rigged case opening sites, unhealthy energy drinks, dubious cryptocurrencies and greater-fool NFT technology, were about to never be able to queue up again. He looked at them and saw that bleak reality and knew he had the power to change it. I’m sure we’d all do the same if we’d amassed untold amounts of oil wealth because we all love esports so much.

This is the real story here. Esports has gone from having to take sponsors and pay to play to now actually being paid to enter a tournament that a government wants to distract its populace from other issues. Finally the Esports World Cup proves that we’ve made it, we’re the big attraction and we are beloved by one of the most important nations on Earth.

In Conclusion

I see no reason whatsoever to not support this great initiative and if people would just open their mind instead of engaging in all this tiresome virtue signalling we could come together as a community and enjoy the pinnacle of our hobby.

Disclaimer: This article was paid for by Bloodmoney PR a subsidiary of Howmuchtoshutthemup Enterprises