America, Home Of The Stunning And Brave

America celebrates the toppling of a non-existant tyrant while the rest of the world groans

The last five years of mainstream media coverage has fundamentally warped the American psyche. Domestic politics is increasingly replacing religion as the grounds through which your purity is tested. Broadcasts journalists are now barely discernable from the viral clips of evangelical preachers speaking in tongues, a never ending stream of babble and buzzwords as the eyes moisten, moved to tears by their own bullshit. In a form indoctrination it has told many of you that you are guilty of mortal sins, that you are fundamentally broken and only adherence to their orthodoxy can fix you. In the meantime self-flagellation will suffice.

And so it is that you have tens of millions of hysterical Americans fantasizing about a fascist takeover so they can say they were the underground resistance. They want so desperately for this rather dull  moment to become a foundational part of this new mythology. The narrative goes something like this… It was one year of warning the world, for only they were too wise to see what no-one else could. Then it was four years of suffering for the sins of the other half of America, all of them uncompromising in their hatred and gleeful malevolence. Now they have overthrown the evil tyrant that in his incompetence allowed them to exist throughout that time and in doing so paved the way for a new land of milk and honey that will unite us all.

Of course the world has been watching and rolling their eyes although we’re generally too polite to say anything. It tells you everything you need to know about the media class and their drones that they are oblivious to how insulting their role-playing it is to the rest of the world. At a time while they are openly weeping in the streets about toppling a totally imagined tyrant a look around the world should show them how ridiculous they are being. In Nigeria, a country that should be of interest to America as it produces oil, people protesting police brutality are being gunned down in the streets by the state. In Russia, a country where dissidents and political opponents have a penchant for ingesting nerve agents, peaceful protests over the state arrest of a governor resulted in secret police smashing them into the ground with batons. In North Korea they don’t even get to react to what happens in the USA because all information is controlled by the state. There it’s not just important to vote, it’s mandatory and almost 100% of those that turnout vote for the Workers' Party of Korea. Azerbaijan invaded Armenia creating an international incident and it barely made the news.  These Americans have become the child that wants to be the centre of attention at another kid’s birthday party, the spoiled one you have to get presents for less they feel underappreciated.

The last time America has been under anything close to tyranny was in 1783 when Britain finally gave up on suppressing US independence. Or maybe between 1861 and 63 when Lincoln, to galvanize the Union during the American Civil War suspended habeas corpus and have congressionally approved martial law on every state under his authority. Maybe there was a time under George W. Bush who, as part of the new religious doctrine, is being recast not as a war criminal and murderer but as a kindly, misunderstood artist. But no, delving into that could contradict the broader point so best not to. The greatest part of America’s foundation is that, having come from a long conflict to overthrow a despotic government, their first agenda of business was to create a framework that would never allow for it again. The first thing a fascist overlord would have to do is destroy the constitution. Neither side of the red and blue, no matter how dogmatic, would ever allow that to happen.

It has been so long and America has been so prosperous that it is perhaps forgivable that many don’t understand what it is like to live under a genuinely authoritarian boot. It is also true that many Americans don’t concern themselves with the history of other countries. Their homeland is so vast and crazy, with a history simultaneously inspiring and revolting, that there’s enough to digest on its own. If they did spend their time with this they would know a few things about fascism.

First, no fascist would allow a free press to criticize them and their regime for four years. It’s key to the fascist model to get the media and messaging on lockdown, turn it into state apparatus, and jail any dissidents. Kind of like Barack Obama did when he used the Espionage Act to obtain the phone and email records of James Rosen of FOX News and declare him a co-conspirator. Or when the same administration pressured James Risen (not a typo, their names were this similar) of the New York Times to give up a government source by threatening them with jail. Not quite the same as calling journalists that publish provably false stories the enemy of the people on Twitter is it? Whoops, getting bogged down with the facts again. Need to keep on track.

So secondly, fascists have a tendency not to lose general elections, if they even hold them at all. Trump is on course to be the first I know of. The usual way their regimes tend to end is either a civil uprising, a foreign power installing a new regime, or betrayal at the hands of the lieutenants and subordinates. The media have run endless fantastical scenarios about how Trump won’t leave and will have to be forced out via the military in scenes reminiscent of Scarface. Even as recently as yesterday Vanity Fair published a blatant fabrication claiming that sources had stated Trump would barricade himself in the White House. Once it had spread far and wide so people could screech some more about the very real fascism they stealthily changed the article to instead say that “it sounds like it could be something Trump would do.”

Thirdly, usually the dictators have to be dead or fleeing the country for huge, unopposed street parties to start up. Incredibly Cheeto Hitler never thought to deploy his death squads to stop this widespread mockery. Instead, as the news came in, he was taking in a back nine on a golf course seemingly resigned to the courts and inevitable defeat. In reality, for all the bluster, this shows you who Trump is. He’s just a billionaire who doesn’t like to lose but the chances are you care much more about all this than he does.

All the talk of Trump’s fascistic tendencies have to ignore that China gave him the perfect lay-up with the Coronavirus. He could have used the pandemic to implement powers to stop people gathering, to stop protests against him, to delay elections (a meek suggestion he made on Twitter to more ridicule) and impose all manner of restrictions. Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban did just this implementing a law that gave him almost unlimited executive power that with an agreement that only a two thirds majority could roll back his new ability to bypass parliament. Instead the only executive powers Trump invoked revolved around manufacturing masks and respirators. It turns out that he sucks at fascism almost as much as he does at selling steaks.

This hasn’t stopped an insane level of self-pitying propaganda from the usual sources. Here’s a cross section of the histrionics from the last day or so. Popular late night TV host Stephen Colbert came on air, dressed in black of course, to speak out on Trump’s comments about legally contesting the election on the grounds of voter fraud. Choking back very clearly fake tears he said “Donald Trump is a fascist and when it comes to democracy versus fascism, I'm sorry there are not fine people on both sides,” once again invoking the “very fine people” lie. Then, in an insult to the victims of the holocaust, he invoked imagery of the final solution going on to add “So you need to choose: Donald Trump or the American people. This is the time to get off the Trump train because he told you where the train is going and it's not a passenger train and he'll load you on it someday too.” Ordinarily trivialising the holocaust is not only, for very obvious reasons, considered repugnant but is actually against the law in some countries. Here, it will be allowed to pass uncritically because that new religion requires you to believe Trump was going to have us all killed any moment now but he was just too lazy to get round to it.

There was a strong uptake for applauding crocodile tears in general. When Biden was announced the president elect CNN’s Van Jones, a man who had worked directly with Donald Trump on the First Step Act in 2018, suddenly forgot about that and cried on cue. “This is vindication for a lot of people who really have suffered. ‘I can’t breathe.” That was not just George Floyd. There were a lot of people who felt like they couldn’t breathe.” Stark contrast to the man who said in October this year “I get beat up by liberals every time I say this, but I’m gonna keep saying it — he has done good stuff for the black community.” What a turnaround.

The bluecheck Twitterati were falling over themselves today to try and find some profundity it what is a very mundane moment in American history. Many of them decided it was best to pin their very childlike thoughts about politics on children that may or may not exist. Lots of talk of crying and children asking if the horror was over. It’s more pleasant to think of these are as fake as every other time an attention starved personality decides to pretend their child had some incredible “out of the mouths of babes” moment than the alternative. I however will not rule out a handful of them being true, because due to their delusional-fueled cult-like behaviour these individuals are happy to mentally abuse their children and turn them into a generation of emotional cripples.

Now with their triumph over evil there is a lot of talk about unity and healing, which won’t last once these new adherents realise how empty their beliefs are without a fictitious enemy to fight. For now though they will simply be happy enough to tell you that it wasn’t your fault you were on the wrong side the whole time. After all, you’re not as intelligent as they are, certainly not as pure. They are willing to shake your hand but only if you let them spit in your face as they do so. Your call.

For the rest of us the scenes are as incredible as they are sad. There is something deeply unsettling about watching African Americans dancing in the streets because the country has elected a former segregationist to the highest office in the land. Those who protested to change the way policing works will find no friend in a Vice President who cackled about imprisoning parents of child truancies. A handful of things might change, left of centre policies resetting a few dials, but America will operate much as it did before and as it always has. The difference? You won’t hear about it on TV. Freedom.