GOP Primary Debate Review 28/09/2023

The most meaningless debate in political history played out and failed to answer the only question that matters.

The second GOP primary of the 2024 presidential campaign will go largely unremembered which is no bad thing. The debate stage populated mostly by pretenders who weren’t there to campaign but to raise their profile for future, smaller races and as such the performances were mostly a retread of what had gone before. It also did nothing to answer the only relevant question for the GOP this year which is do they sign the suicide pact of going all in with Trump as the nominee or do they mirror what the DNC did in 2020 and have the party fall in line behind a more traditional candidate in the form of De Santis. Until that is answered all you can try and do is enjoy the freakshow.

FOX News did what they could do elevate the tone. Desperate to try and inject some gravitas into proceedings they used the fact it was being held in the Reagan Presidential Library as an excuse to play clips of the old Gipper’s classic speeches. For those of us with the right kind of memory it didn’t behoof the candidates at all, a stark reminder that a former movie star routinely outacted by his monkey sidekick and in the throws of Alzheimers by the end of his second term still makes for a better presidential candidate than anyone running today. Those on the debate stage were encouraged to reference this as often as possible, pointing to their “What Would Reagan Do” bracelets as if the politics of a bygone era were in anyway compatible with the digital hellscape of today.

Mercifully there were fewer of the hapless on the stage. Asa Hutchinson didn’t get enough human blood to sustain his corporeal body and will likely spend the rest of the debate cycle sleeping in his family crypt. The downside to this is that the bungled and botched got more air time… At least in theory. FOX, much like the GOP here, had sent their B Team and their overly bloated questions were often longer the answers they demanded of the candidates. For too long Stuart Varney has dined out on fooling FOX viewers into thinking that if it’s said with a British accent it must be intelligent… Here he sounded like a TikTok text to speech, bizarrely replete with the same mispronunciations and unnatural syncopation. Former Bush press secretary Dana Perino did bring some sass before spoiling it all with quite possibly the worst question ever asked in any party political debate. We’ll get to that. Of course social media tunnelled in on Ilia Calderón from Univision who admittedly struggled on a few of the lengthier questions. The difference of course is that she was asking them in her second language. You can imagine the type of commentary this generated on Twitter. So much for the tolerant right.

So the takeaways in no particular order… It’s obvious by now that Chris Christie isn’t a serious candidate. He’s Jacob Marley’s ghost haunting the GOP and the electorare, rattling his chains and his moaning about Trump. “I am here tonight to warn you that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate” he wailed “A chance and hope of my procuring, voters. In life, my spirit never rose beyond the limits of our money-changing holes! Now I am doomed to wander without rest or peace, incessant torture and remorse. Also fuck Donald Trump.”

But I am always fair when it comes to my appraisals and I shall say that even though Christie turns up to these debates looking like he’s barely had time to wipe barbecue sauce from his face, he remains the only candidate willing to address that he’s not the elephant in the room despite appearances. He’s right when he says Trump’s refusal to participate in the debate process is hugely disrespectful to all voters, especially his supporters. I don’t think the nightmare 2024 is shaping up to be can be expressed more succinctly than whoever said the frontrunner GOP candidate won’t debate because his lawyers don’t want him to and the DNC candidate can’t debate because his doctors don’t want him to. Christie can score cheap points by posing as the GOP’s conscience, which is apt as they don’t have one and neither does he. How no one on that stage has stung him for having been the head of Trump’s transition team is staggering but there’s no need to attack anyone who isn’t really a threat. As for the “Donald Duck” line, it was a joke so arse-puckeringly bad not even Amy Schumer would plagiarise it. Of course, after the debate Christie’s team tweeted it out. Give me strength.

After a strong first debate from Nikki Haley the post debate chatter turned to how she was especially unlikeable this time around. For me there was no discernable difference. Her grasp of economic policy and education remains frighteningly basic and as soon as foreign policy is brought up, well, you know which way she likes to go. Every country at war with an “enemy” of the US is in fact the frontline for defending the US from imaginary invasions that will never occur. A vote for her is a vote for the military industrial complex and an openly codified cold war as opposed to the not so secret one being waged right now. Despite this blasé approach to civilian lives if you get her on to women’s issues she shows nuance and sensitivity, a rarity among GOP candidates. Unfortunately for her prospects this debate really underscored that she’s simply Hillary Clinton in a red dress and whether voters are conscious of it or not it’s informing their reactions to her.

TikTok for me but not for thee

The standout from the first debate people were curious as to see what Vivek’s next trick would be. Alas, he is as an agent of chaos no more, his first debate performance and constant praise of Trump actually positioning him for a VP slot on the ticket if Trump gets the nod and doesn’t end up in prison. Also, after rightly pointing out that everyone on the debate stage was “bought and paid for” he was very much in the crosshairs of every other candidate and the media that had spent the weeks prior to this debate listing all the times he had lied. Good to see all those out of work factcheckers that are never around for Biden’s whoppers finding something to do.

So on the stage tonight Vivek tried to play the role of unifier, invoking Reagan’s 11^th Commandment – that a Republican should never criticise another Republican – and joking about coming across as a know-it-all. Of course by now the gig was up and Vivek’s positioning of himself as an outsider candidate who “gets it” isn’t tenable in light of revelations he himself had done business with China or his appearance on TikTok with Jake Paul, a platform he says he will ban once he’s used it to acrue enough votes to get into power. Still, I don’t care. The fact he’s such a brazen snakeoil salesman is actually good for the political process, a refreshing change to those who would cloak their intentions. I like my bullshit artists to be this transparent.

Mike Pence’s campaign has all the energy of the Werther Originals commercials… “Now I’m the candidate” he says, his voice sounding like steam escaping from a pudding. As I’ve already said he exists only to serve as some anachronistic yardstick of what traditional Republicans were, an exhibit in a political museum that people look at and remark “did we really used to be like them?” Despised by Trumpland and distant from modern politics he’d do well to drop out… Polling numbers mean little at this stage despite what the media would have you believe but a former VP polling below newcomer Vivek, warhawk Haley and about level with open mic night Christie is all the embarrassment it should take. There’s nothing that can happen nationally or internationally that Mike Pence is the right man for… There’s no hour that can cometh that would require this man.

Nothing illustrates this better than his insane case of “notgays” that he has now committed to the public record. It was bad enough that when asked about the status of LGBT policy in schools he actually said it’s time for schools to “straighten up.” Shelve those yikes for now though because after a throwaway gag by Christie – who else? – about Joe Biden sleeping with a member of the teacher’s union (his wife, that’s doctor Jill to you) Pence referenced it after like a full six minutes had passed to joke “I’ve been sleeping with a teacher for 38 years.” Very cool Mike, very cool.

Which brings us to the real question… How did De Santis do? Before I answer this let me just set the table. This debate IS inconsequential in the broader scheme. All the talk of his cratering campaign in the media, the polls that show him having dropped from North of 30% to now just 19%, a surprising lack of coverage in the mainstream about the man they once called Death Santis… This is part of the broader strategy at play here. There’s only a finite amount of Trump left and everyone needs to milk it to the last drop. How many more books can journalists write about how dangerous a time the Trump years were for them before that opportunity is gone forever? How many more times can news channels rely on the “Trump bump” to prop up their ailing viewership? How many more anti-Trump podcasts and streaming careers can be launched before they become moot? And most importantly of all, which candidate can the media believably portray as a terrifying fascist in waiting to mobilise voters who otherwise couldn’t in good conscience but a check next to Joe Biden’s name. Everyone in the Washington apparatus needs Trump to win the primary and then lose in the presidential, before finally taking the selective treatment he has received to its final conclusion. “We did it, we defeated the enemy… Now here’s President Newsom and VP Michelle Obama.” Once you see the pieces on the board you realise it’s not chess being played but Monopoly.

So, that question again, how did he do? Well De Santis improved but he still comes across as a skinwalker when it comes to the debate stage. It’s eerie. You put him in front of a press conference he comes across as authoritative and competent. You put the clock on him and he forgets how to fucking smile and dispenses midwit soundbites. He improved on linking back answers about policy to his performance of governor of Florida this time around but it was still freshman debate class up there. He would do much better work just a few days later on Bill Maher’s Real Time where he even won applause from a crowd who notoriously waits for approval from the host before making a squeak.

Even in the face of lines like “let’s face it, if the campaign was going well you wouldn’t be on this show” he held up and may even have changed a few minds.

On the stage though ultimately he was tossed a performance lifeline by that aforementioned worst question. Comparing American politics to the reality show Survivor, Perino asked the candidates to write down who they’d “vote off the island” and while the audience hooted and hollered De Santis was quick to say he wouldn’t participate in anything so crass. The audience remembered in that moment that yes, this is supposed to be important and that noise changed to applause, making De Santis seem for a moment he was above it all. Christie of course had already written something down. Can you guess who? “Trump”

Which really sums it all up. Until we know what’s going on there it’s all academic. Even though FOX News themselves have become more balanced on the Trump issue than they were in 2016, their main anchors still play out “The Passion of The Trump” on their screens every night, because in case you didn’t know it, they need him to win the nomination too. In truth there could be few things worse for American politics than a runback of 2020.